129 Comments
deletedMay 12, 2022Liked by Craig Calcaterra
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
deletedMay 12, 2022·edited May 12, 2022
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

Was the first one named Dawn?

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

Sorry, watching Foundation right now, and, you know..

Expand full comment

I don’t know if it’s in the league as your Norm vignette, but I once pissed next to Ryne Sandberg in the restroom at Harry Caray’s in River North/Chicago.

Expand full comment
May 12, 2022·edited May 12, 2022

So so very glad Congress has time for UFOs when it can't pass anything (well, except for aid for Ukraine, I will give them that). Of course, a hearing on UFOS doesn't cost much, but still. (I am royally pissed that the federal government is out of money to fight COVID and no one seems to care.)

On the bright side of the Mets game, the bullpen didn't allow any more runs?

The "highlight" of the day for the Blue Jays was Vladdie breaking his bat over his knee after striking out. I wonder what that bat did to deserve such a fate. (Dear lord, the whole Yankees rotation is dealing.)

Expand full comment

Hey, the Senate unanimously agreed with about 5 minutes debate that Supreme Court justices are a higher order of human deserving of privacy and protection not afforded the rest of us.

Expand full comment

That one doesn't bother me. Lots of government officials at all levels get police and secret service protection. And how many death threats do you think RBG got?

Expand full comment

That's different that criminalizing peaceful protests outside the homes of government officials.

Expand full comment

I am not sure I object to that either. I find the idea of protesting at people's homes distasteful and potentially dangerous. Do the protests elsewhere. (What purpose does protesting at someone's home serve anyway? The justices are going to change their minds because someone isn't letting them sleep? It's childish.)

Expand full comment

I could be wrong, but the same people being protested against now, are the same fascist right-wing judges who ruled that it was ultra-mega OK for religious loons to protest outside of planned parenthood officials’ and abortion-services providers’ houses——so, goose, gander, all that….

Expand full comment

Indeed. In the fictional filibuster that occurred in my head, a large part would have been reading conservative opinions striking down buffer zones and whatnot on “free speech” grounds.

Expand full comment

But nobody thought they were deserving of it a week ago. What changed? Peaceful protestors showed up at their homes, so um yeah.

Expand full comment

Yanks and Mets are both dealing!

Looking forward to late July, are we??

Expand full comment

A Nats blowout win serving as respite for DC sports fans from yet another Caps postseason collapse? Is Obama president again, too?

[Full disclosure: I watched Grosse Pointe Blank on Amazon Prime instead.]

Expand full comment

A NY Rangers win staving off elimination for one more game serving as the only respite for NY sports fans* from an embarrassing Mets loss which they led 3-0 four batters into the game? Almost anyone could be president for that one.

*(A Yankees win adding further salt to the wounds for this variety of NY sports fan, so don't count that as consolation)

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

Neither do I, really, but the Pens do have more guys who have "been there" than the Rangers do. But Shesterkin played the entire 6 periods in the 3OT game that opened the series, while Domingue came in for an injured starter in the middle of the 2nd OT period. So between playing both games of a double-header and a heart-breaking loss (any OT loss is heart-breaking), Shesty was out of gas, and his team didn't bail him out. Furthermore, a lot of folks thought the Rangers were ahead of schedule. So there's that.

Expand full comment

I knew game 1 was going to haunt them. Pens had a 3rd string goaltender come in to OT cold and the Rangers did not take advantage of that. I know it was late and everyone was gassed but they really needed to find another gear to get aggressive and fling pucks at the guy. Aside from that the defense has been poor in front of him. They've looked like a different team in this series but it also doesn't help that Pittsburgh has 2-3 future Hall of Famers who can get out there and take control. 87 & 71 are always buzzing around the net and it never gets easier to watch.

Expand full comment

I've been reluctant to think of the Caps losing this series as a collapse, given that they're the eight seed and it's gonna go at least six, but then I remember that they were up a goal with two minutes left in Game 4 and lost in OT, and then they were up three last night early in the second period and lost, 5-3, and then I think, "Yeah, that's kind of a collapse."

Expand full comment

Game 4 was purely bad luck - Hathaway’s empty netter hit the post, then the game-tying shot bounced in off his shoulder 30 seconds later.

Last night, OTOH, was a DEBACLE.

Expand full comment

Agreed. Made JoeB so sick he couldn't even watch the third period.

Expand full comment

Norman; Lets not argue and bicker over who killed who, this is supposed to be a happy occasion.!"

Expand full comment

The lockout this Winter & Spring was ugly but some good stuff did come from it. In Atlanta, long time minor leaguer Jackson Stephens got to pitch in front of the big league management and impressed. He is a big fat guy from rural Alabama who kicked around in the minors and winter leagues for a decade. He has now reached the show and is doing well in his - ahem - cup of coffee. He would probably still be in AA or AAA but for the lockout driven exposure. Nice little paywalled article on him at The Athletic.

Expand full comment

I'd love it were this a sign of the end of crypto, but I'm far from convinced that is the case. Crypto is way down, but the stock market is way down too and no one is suggesting that's the end of Wall Street. Crypto is down far, far more than the stock market of course, but it is by nature far more volatile so I don't read too much into that.

In the end, an imaginary thing (the Bitcoin) is still worth $27,000 so I think people will still hoard computer parts and waste enormous amounts of electricity to generate them.

Expand full comment

It's all so hysterical when one spends even the smallest amount of time thinking about it. "You should have crypto in your portfolio because fiat currency has all of these problems. Also, here is my new crypto that will always have the same value as the most popular fiat currency because reasons. I am very smart." Hysterical...and deeply depressing.

Expand full comment

Yeah, that called third strike was brutal. If we’re not getting “robot umps,” why don’t they just make ball and strike calls reviewable?

Expand full comment

Because no one wants a four hour game?

Expand full comment

I don’t buy this argument, because the ensuing yelling & screaming & ejections took WAY longer than a review would have taken. Especially with balls & strikes, where it wouldn’t be done by a human slowing it down frame-by-frame, but super quick by a computer. Similar challenges in tennis are super-quick.

Expand full comment

I have bad news.

Expand full comment

Watch me crying for the red sox.....not.

Expand full comment

Craig I am in the mood to bitch this morning so bear with me.

This trend of “what is a no-hitter?” is getting out of control. I hate the idea of any asterisk in sports and it boggles my mind how many people seriously believe a combined no-hitter isn’t a no-hitter.

Why does it matter???

Look, we all agree baseball is drastically changing. Why not just accept things for what they are in some regards? There are going to be more combined no-nos, and that’s fine. Can’t we just celebrate it for what it is? Why do we have to make it seem like what 10-year-old Johnny or 50-year-old Jane experienced at Citi Field wasn’t really real?

And it’s people in the media saying this, too! The same people who are all about “letting the kids play” and “death to the old white men complaining about unwritten rules” are now complaining about no-hitters and implying an asterisk should be in the place. What the fuck????

https://twitter.com/hannahrkeyser/status/1524246086336106496?s=21&t=kqOVY8tnJ0o9HTb5UmW-dQ

Ok ... ok ... I think I’m calm. For now.

What a stupid and inane take.

Also, anything Norm MacDonald related is always, always a win.

Expand full comment

There is no controversy, or shouldn't be. When a team finishes with no hits, the other team throw a no hitter. When more than one pitcher pitches in the no-hitter it's a combined no-hitter. Its easier for several pitchers to no-hit a team than for one guy to go all 9, obviously, but its still a no-hitter. Where does the asterisk even go? People need to get off that asterisk thing, it's been over 60 years since Maris. Maybe we can move on.

Expand full comment

A few months ago, at least one prominent football analyst suggested a Cowboys player do his best to set a team record in 16 games so there’d be no asterisk over his head if he did it in 17. https://www.sportscasting.com/nbc-sports-peter-king-suggested-cowboys-star-trevon-diggs-final-interception-total-could-feature-an-asterisk/

What??????

I’d expect that take in 1981, not 2021.

Expand full comment

Football records don't matter. The game evolves too much. Its not unlike baseball was in the 1880s to 1900, where they were still making up the rules as they went. Can you imagine twitter when they moved the mound & invented the walk?

Expand full comment

I was at a 3 pitcher no hitter by the Braves back in the 90s - this one. https://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/ATL/ATL199109110.shtml

Although I 100% agree it is just as legitimate a no-hitter as any other, it didn't feel that way in the stands. The build up, the tension, the crowd excitement just wasn't there. I'm not sure the majority of fans at the game even realized they were watching a no hitter.

BTW - it was a 2 hour and 11 minute game.

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

And that 5th record breaking ball would be worth SO much to the lucky fan...

Expand full comment

I like Hannah Keyser but that's a bad take.

Expand full comment

You’d think she’d be the exact type of person to stand on a pedastal on that awful MLB Network show and yell 🗣JUST APPRECIATE THE MOMENT YOU FOOLS!!!

Instead, she’s either trying to be one of the boys, or she’s spewing stupidity for the sake of it. Or both.

Expand full comment

I keep calm about it by personally believing that a no-hitter isn't some grand historical achievement, but a neat accomplishment on the level of hitting for the cycle (which has happened almost the same number of times through baseball history). I mean, not only can you have a no-hitter while walking everyone, but you can have one and lose.

A perfect game is a different story, but I just don't care that much about no-hitters.

Expand full comment

The reality is most no hitters, and probably all perfect games, require some luck. A good bounce, or just the absence of a bad bounce, a few borderline pitches getting called strikes, hard hit balls right at fielders, etc. I suspect most pitchers who have thrown a no-hitter would tell us it was not the the most dominant start of their career, or even that season.

Expand full comment

Im a little surprised you skipped the Noah Syndergaard twitter flap that had Mets twitter burning hot all day. Thor mocked the Mets combined no-no and things devolved from there. Not one to back down, Noah fanned the flames: Noah Syndergaard

@Noahsyndergaard

Oh and to be clear, I don't think a combined no hitter is the same as "real" 1 pitcher no hitter.

And Ban the Wave

And Mr. Met is a creep

Mets fans went off! It might have been fun if Mets fans could just take a little ribbing but, you know, twitter, mets fans...people got downright ugly.

Expand full comment

Not all Mets fans, dude. Though heaven help me if I ever engage with other Mets fans on Twitter.

Something went wrong between Thor and management, clearly, and even if I would approach things differently than he is - he's doing well now and might get that big payday no thanks to the Mets, after all - I don't entirely blame him for being sassy. But it doesn't ruin my enjoyment of the no-hitter.

Expand full comment

I'm surprised Cinder Guard is picking Twitter fights with baseball fans when he's already on thin ice with Rod Manfire, who no doubt is waiting for the most opportune moment to dole out Guard's lifetime ban from the game for admitting to betting on himself in free agency (https://mlb.nbcsports.com/2019/02/20/noah-syndergaard-i-feel-like-im-going-to-bet-on-myself-in-free-agency/).

And to add to the risk, the shortened season during the pandemic likely allowed Manfire to replenish MLB's ban reserves. The question is have they been replenished enough that he can dole out Guard's lifetime ban and still have enough ban remaining to dole out to other players if he needs to. If Manfire feels he has enough ban at his disposal, he could dole out Guard's lifetime ban at any moment now and finally put the whole Cindergate scandal behind him and MLB. Guard is playing with fire with these Twitter exhibitions.

Expand full comment

Nice HBT Throwback Thursday comment!

Expand full comment

One of my favorite genres (books, movies) is non-fiction Cold War spying. Based on my reading and viewing, I think we will never know the truth about "UFO" sightings in our lifetimes. There were all sorts of flight tests going on as we tried to perfect our overhead spying on the Rooskies. The story of the development and testing of the U2 is especially fascinating. And all that stuff remains classified so people who reported seeing strange aircraft in the skies above them were right, only it was just a bunch of test pilots taking their planes out for a run. And if you're ever in DC I recommend a visit to the International Spy Museum. Talk about "Trust No One"

Expand full comment

Spy museum is very cool.

Expand full comment

And Michael Kay thinks everybody else it f'ed up! He's always looking down his nose at the rest of the world, slighting and insulting other people who don't live the perfect life he does.

But where does the Yankees fan go? You've got Kay and Oniell arguing about who didnt pick up the check for their $100 steaks, then you mute it and hear that John Sterling has lost the ball again while winding into another cannned call.

This is why Im not paying for YES and instead am watching the Mets this year.

Expand full comment

I’m just trying to wrap my mind around not eating cheese except on pizza and eating chicken parmigiana. All else is subservient to that confusion.

Expand full comment

Chicken parm is a form of pizza, isn't it? Especially if the chicken is breaded, you've got your crust, your sauce, your cheese, and your meat.

Expand full comment

Uh oh - my "Is a hot dog a sandwich?" alarm is going off.

Expand full comment

Is a meatball sub a pizza?

Expand full comment

I have the radical take that Chicago deep dish isn't pizza. Rather, it's a goddamn delicious casserole made from pizza-adjacent ingredients.

Expand full comment

THANK YOU.

Expand full comment

I've always considered it lasagna with a crust myself. But casserole works, too.

Expand full comment

A hot dog without a bun is still a hot dog, so no, a hot dog is not a sandwich.

Expand full comment

A hot dog without a bun is a frankfurter. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Expand full comment

I have 2 nephews in their 20s who only eat pizza and chicken fingers, and not even any chicken fingers, either. It's because their parents spoiled them and only fed them what they wanted as kids. I never wanted to eat a lot of what mom put out for the 7 of us, but it went fast and if you didn't get yours you went hungry. It was the same in the Navy, get it or starve. I dont like everything, but I'll eat anything that someone makes for me, and can always find something to order on any menu. Thanks mom & dad! (not so much the USN)

Expand full comment
May 12, 2022·edited May 13, 2022

My parents had the rule that you at least had to TRY IT. No making gagging noises based on assumptions. If we tried it and honestly hated it, they wouldn't force us to eat it and we could have leftovers or a sandwich or mac and cheese instead if everyone else liked it (and once we got older and could be trusted in the kitchen ourselves we could make something simple on our own).

Expand full comment

It’s Michael Kay. There’s a good chance he asks them to hold the cheese when he orders a chicken parm.

Expand full comment

I have no problem with his food choices for himself, that's his own prison. It's his arrogant perspective that anybody who doesn't do as he does is messed up that bothers me, he can't see or accept that he's the weirdo.

There's nothing wrong with being the weirdo, I'm often the weirdo, just know that it's your shit and not the other person's.

Expand full comment

I don't believe we're alone in the universe, but I do believe that Fermi's Paradox can either keep you up at night or be the reason you sleep soundly.

Expand full comment

I think everyone is just too far away from everyone else, and that it's nonsense to assume we even have ways to communicate with alien minds. It's folly to think that other races have developed the same tech and the same sorts of languages. And interstellar travel is out.

Never mind that I think if aliens came all this way, either we would have no doubt they were here, or they would do a much better job of hiding.

In short, UFOs are from Earth, and are probably either not that interesting, or classified programs that will remain classified.

Expand full comment
May 12, 2022·edited May 12, 2022

I've always thought the biggest reason we'd never encounter an alien civilization was time. On the cosmic calendar, we've only been farming for the last 28 seconds. We've only been in modern history for the last second. What are the chances that a species capable of interstellar travel and communication would arise at the exact same time as us?

Expand full comment

Precisely. It be like trying to hit a bullet with another bullet to knock it into a third bullet….a 43rd bullet into a 44th…

Expand full comment

It's very 'us' to assume that speed is the key. Maybe sloth on a scale never even imagined is actually the key to understanding the universe. If that's the case, we'd sure never know...

Expand full comment

Agreed on the distance problem. As a biologist, it's fun to think about all of the different types of ways sentient aliens could communicate that we couldn't perceive. Beyond things outside of our visual/auditory spectrum, there could be entire languages built around chemicals/pheromones, electrical signaling...

Expand full comment

It's a fun idea that doesn't show up in enough scifi. And that is probably really hard to write. Best to leave it to the biologists.

Expand full comment
founding

Aliens are here, and they emit a chemical that fools our brains into thinking they look like humans

Expand full comment

This explains Mitch McConell.

Expand full comment

I just pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, 'cause there's bugger-all down here on Earth.

Expand full comment

What about the dolphins?

Expand full comment

They're welcome for all the fish.

Expand full comment

My Brittish to Brooklyn dictionary says bugger-all means notafrigginting.

Expand full comment

Good lord, I hope Michael Kay keeps a defibrillator within reach at all times if he only likes chicken parm, bacon, and steak.

Expand full comment

Do you? Do you really?

Expand full comment

Thanks for posting that Norm MacDonald video - it was a great tribute.

Expand full comment

"This was the highest-scoring game in baseball so far this year."

How was that calculated? I'm curious, because this wasn't even close to the most total runs scored in a game this season. The Cardinals scored more runs on their own than these two teams combined when they beat the Nats 29-8 on March 30th.

Expand full comment

That 29-8 game was a spring training contest, not a regular season game.

Expand full comment

Whoops! My bad. You're correct. I just remembered they didn't quite make it to 30 runs. Then I went and looked when it was.

Expand full comment

I saw UFO twice in the 1970s. Don’t know if they ever played Wembley. https://youtu.be/aatjerFCRP8

Expand full comment