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We had another dominant performance from Shohei Ohtani last night, this time on the mound, and a guy hit for the cycle in a six-inning game. The highlight of the day, though, probably came from a hitting coach. Elsewhere, there was a notable injury for the Mets, Dusty Baker cut straight to the chase, and a weird resort is going to be built in Mississippi.

In Other Stuff, you may have heard that Ohio State has trademarked the word “The.” I come to explain that, not to defend it, but yeah, most people talking about that are getting it wrong. We also talk about gender reveals, WrongThink, and a story that some of you may consider lowbrow but which I consider to be a great literary homage.

And That Happened

Angels 5, Royals 0: Coming off his eight-RBI night Shohei Ohtani took the mound and struck out a career-high 13 dudes in eight shutout innings. There were a bunch of people on social media last night after the game sharing Elias Sports Bureau-style factoids about how he was the first guy to pitch a dominant game a day after doing such-and-such amazing offensive things, but one really doesn’t need that to level of specificity when one can just say “a freaking unicorn is out there killing everything in its path.”

Ohtani retired 16 straight Royals at one point and retired 23 of the final 24 batters he faced. The one baserunner he allowed over his final seven innings came on a walk, but the runner was quickly erased by a double play. It’s just been a string of dominance as a pitcher for Ohtani lately, as he’s allowed just one run in his last 20 innings over three starts. Oh, and he also reached base three times as a hitter.

The dude was the MVP last year because he was a dominant pitcher and hitter. This year he probably won’t win the MVP because voters tend to like change but he still has a 3.28 ERA (122 ERA+) and is hitting .260/.331/.489 (132 OPS+) with 15 home runs and seven steals and remains a goddamn unicorn.

Blue Jays 9, White Sox 5: On Tuesday night Doug Eddings, the home plate umpire in the Blue Jays-White Sox game, turned in a horrendous performance calling balls and strikes. Like epically bad, missing 36% of strike calls and arguably costing Toronto two runs. Yesterday before this game, Blue Jays hitting coach Guillermo Martínez got ejected while exchanging the damn lineup cards. That earns Martínez an effusive tip-o-the-cap as far as I’m concerned. It also fired up his charges, as the Jays jumped out to a 7-0 lead before the end of the fourth thanks to a homer and and RBI single from Alejandro Kirk, a Lourdes Gurriel Jr. RBI single, and a grand slam from Bo Bichette. Later Teoscar Hernández homered to make it 9-1. Before long the “FIRE TONY” chants returned to Sox Park and all was as it’s supposed to be.

Cubs 14, Pirates 5: Ian Happ and Patrick Wisdom hit two-run homers as Cubs batters abused Pittsburgh starter Jerad Eickhoff — who was making his season debut — for ten runs over four and a third. Alfonso Rivas hit a ninth inning grand slam, but the game was out of hand by then already and he was facing infielder Diego Castillo at the time, so knock off some points for that. After the slam David Ross let relief pitcher David Robertson bat for his DH. Castillo struck out Robertson. Then the two teams got back on their busses to Bradenton and Mesa, respectively. Opening Day is just three weeks away!

Astros 5, Mets 3: A four-run first inning featured Alex Bregman and Yordan Álvarez dingers and then Álvarez went deep again in the third. Big news of the day here, though, was Carlos Carrasco leaving with a trainer in the bottom of the third after giving up those three homers and five earned runs. More on that below in the Daily Briefing.

Rangers 4, Phillies 2: Brad Miller and Kole Calhoun each knocked in two and the Rangers won despite striking out 14 times. The Phillies have lost three in a row. They’ve lost to the Rangers nine straight times, which is kinda weird.

Padres 10, Diamondbacks 4: Jurickson Profar had four hits, drove in two runs and scored twice, Jorge Alfaro homered, and José Azocar singled, doubled, and tripled. A four-spot in the first inning against Madison Bumgarner set the tone and, despite the fact that he picked up his 2,000th career strikeout in the game he lost for the fifth time in his last six starts. The Pads had manager Bob Melvin back for the first time in 12 games. He’d been out due to COVID.

Marlins 7, Rockies 4: Garrett Cooper, Jazz Chisholm Jr. and Jorge Soler hit home runs and Marlins starter Pablo López allowed only one unearned run in seven. They played this one with the roof open at Marlins Park. It was only the second time this year it was open. The Marlins have to be last in the league in roof-open games among teams with retractable roofs. Sometimes I feel like they shoulda just built a regular dome.

Dodgers 8, Reds 4: Freddie Freeman homered and drove in a couple to give him seven RBI in the two games this series. Trayce Thompson knocked in a couple. Just like the Phillies vs. Texas, the Reds have a long losing streak against a non-divisional foe in Los Angeles. This one makes it eight straight in the crapper vs. the Dodgers. If you’re an old enough Reds fan to remember when both of these teams played in the NL West — or, if you’re even older and remember when they’d fight for National League supremacy back in the 70s — that has to gall you a fair bit.

Orioles 7, Nationals 0: This game only went six innings due to rain but Austin Hays still managed to hit for the damn cycle: an infield single in the first inning, a solo shot in the third and tripled in the fourth, and a double when the rain was pouring down in the sixth. Other Orioles to hit for the cycle: Frank Robinson, Cal Ripken Jr., Aubrey Huff, Felix Pie, and Jonathan Villar. That’s a hell of a group in, like, lots of different respects.

Red Sox 6, Tigers 2: Rob Refsnyder hit a two-run homer in the Red Sox’ four-run third inning to help them sweep the Tigers. Jarren Duran and Alex Verdugo each added a two-run double. Boston won for the eighth time in 10 games. The Tigers have lost nine of 11 and 10 of 13.

Atlanta 4, Giants 3: San Francisco took a 3-1 lead into the ninth and Jake McGee took the hill to close it out. He did not, in fact, close it out. Rather he gave up a leadoff homer to Dansby Swanson to make it a one-run game, put Marcell Ozuna on with a single, and gave up an RBI single to William Contreras to blow the Giants lead. At that point McGee was yanked for submariner Tyler Rogers, but after Contreras stole second Adam Duvall hit a walkoff single to complete the comeback win. It was the third time in four games that the Giants have been walked off and it wasted a strong start by Carlos Rodón, who allowed only three hits and one run in seven innings.

Yankees 5, Rays 4: The Rays took an early 3-0 lead but Aaron Judge homered twice, smacking his major league-leading 26th and 27th bombs, while Jose Trevino hit a two-run shot that put New York ahead in the eighth inning and helped them complete the comeback win. It was the 18th win in 21 games for the Yankees, who have a 12-game lead in the AL East. The Rays have lost eight of 11.

Guardians 11, Twins 10: Cleveland rallied for four runs in the ninth inning to stun the Twins and take over sole possession of first place in the AL Central. Owen Miller’s sac fly was the go-ahead run. Oscar Gonzalez’s two-run single tied the game. He had homered earlier and had four RBI in all. Carlos Correa hit two home runs and Max Kepler and Gio Urshela also went deep for Minnesota, but they have lost four of five and are 8-11 in June. Lots of games against the Guardians still to play, though, including today and then five more times next week.

Cardinals 5, Brewers 4: The NL Central lead changed as well, with the Cardinals taking over first place from Milwaukee with this win. Paul Goldschmidt and Nolan Arenado each hit two-run homers. The Cardinals bullpen pitched four and a third innings of scoreless relief. Indeed, Cardinals relievers have allowed just one hit while pitching 10 1/3 scoreless innings in the past two games.

Mariners 9, Athletics 0: Jesse Winker homered for the second straight day, driving in three, J.P. Crawford doubled twice and drove in two, and Julio Rodríguez added two hits and scored twice as the M’s romped. Starter George Kirby pitched with a lot of traffic on the bases but still managed six scoreless innings. The A's are 3-15 in June and have lost 17 of 20 overall.

The Daily Briefing

Carlos Carrasco injured

As noted above, Mets starter Carlos Carrasco was lit up by the Astros early yesterday and then left the game in the bottom of the third inning with an apparent injury. The injury: a tight lower back.

It's unclear if Carrasco will go to the injured list. Normally with this kind of thing they wait to see how the guy is doing the next day. He will have an MRI though and we’ll likely have some clarity in the next day or two.

Dusty Baker cuts through the bullshit

The Astros manager does not dilly-dally. He cuts straight to the chase:

Adam Spolane @AdamSpolane

Dusty Baker says he hasn’t seen Stranger Things. “What’s so strange about them,” he asked.

*takes a long drag* man, I had never really thought about it that way.

A Sports Illustrated resort?

From the Biloxi, Mississippi Sun Herald:

One of the first Sports Illustrated Resorts in the U.S. could be coming to South Mississippi with hotels, a family entertainment center and a crystal lagoon . . .
. . . The centerpiece of the D’Iberville resort will be an 11-acre Crystal Lagoon that features a clear sand beach and a Storyland family entertainment center with indoor and outdoor attractions . . . The active lifestyle resort will focus on immersive and interactive attractions, he said, where families and couples can enjoy surf riders, ziplines and other experiences, like emerging from the “stadium” tunnel onto the field and seeing themselves pictured up on the scoreboard.

The fact that there is no mention of a Tom Verducci-themed hair salon of a “Faces in the Crowd” singles bar suggests to me that they’re not actually serious with the theme, but good luck with your little hotel, SI.

Other Stuff

Ohio State gets a trademark for “THE”

My alma mater, The Ohio State University, has successfully registered a trademark for the word “THE,” at least in certain contexts (see below). The application was filed back in August 2019, was rejected at first, but ultimately got approval. And no, it was not rejected because it’s insane to trademark the word “THE” but, rather, because another clothing company, Marc Jacobs, had already done it and the sides had to reach a settlement in order to let OSU do it.

A couple of things on all of that . . .

No, this does not give the university intellectual property rights to the actual word “THE.” Like, we’re not all having to pay royalties to Ohio State for using the most common word in the English language. It’s just about “THE” appearing as a logo/slogan/mark whatever on t-shirts and hoodies and things. Just as South Carolina sells caps with the word “COCKS” on them does not mean that they own the word “COCKS” in other contexts, Ohio State wanting to sell some scarlet and gray shirts with a giant “THE” on it does not mean much either.

Second, as I wrote in a comment here the other day when this subject came up, the whole "THE" thing as it is associated with Ohio State is so weird.

While the university has, legally anyway, been referred to as “The Ohio State University” forever, it only began including the "THE" in communications, signs, and things when it updated its main academic logo (not athletic logo) in the early 1990s when I was an undergrad. At the time people in and around the university and locals thought it was funny and rather pretentious for them to do so and no one -- absolutely no one -- in the university community or in Columbus or Ohio at large called it that then or calls it that now in the ordinary course. It's uniformly “Ohio State” as in “I went to Ohio State” or “OSU” as in “My kid goes to OSU.” Employees of the university — of which my wife is one — likewise refer to it “OSU” or “Ohio State.”

The reason people started calling it "THE" Ohio State University — and again, it’s almost 100% people who are not from here — is because some football players started doing that on TV.

This was when the networks began having the players introduce themselves via little video clips early in the games as opposed to having the play-by-play guy announce the players and positions. At the time — I think it was the late 90s or early 2000s — some of the OSU alumni in the NFL began saying “Joe Schmo, Left Tackle . . . THE Ohio State University.” Sort of a style thing, I guess. A way to set them apart. I am quite certain, though, that this was done with tongue-in-cheek and that, in real life, if anyone asked them where they went to school they’d say “OSU” or “Ohio State” like the rest of us, but hey, you do things to spice things up and set yourself apart when you’re given a TV showcase.

Either way, this joking kind of thing was picked up by sports fans and sportswriters who are not from here or who have no connection to Ohio State who, quite understandably, thought it was silly and wanted to mock Ohio State-related stuff. Because of the way culture works that all looped back around to the people who market and merchandise OSU gear and they decided that that whole “THE” thing set Buckeye stuff apart and they decided to make t-shirts and hoodies and things with “THE” on it, which eventually led to a trademark application. If everyone is calling you something, even if it’s weird and random, you may as well own the rights to it.

Whatever that means for intellectual property law or for marketing, though, I swear on a stack of bibles — on the lives of my children even — that no one here calls Ohio State “THE Ohio State University” in any serious way. To the extent it is ever used by people with a connection to the university it’s used ironically or with strongly implied air-quotes. To the extent it’s ever used seriously or to the extent it’s mocked, it’s 100% being done by outsiders who think they’re making fun of pretentious Ohio State people but who, in reality, are battling a straw man.

Seriously, folks: there are TONS of reasons to mock, bash, or otherwise drag Ohio State. I spend a lot of time doing it! But this ain’t one of them. At least it ain’t a good means of doing so.

It’s . . . a boy? Damn.

I’m not exactly sure when gender reveal parties started, but I’m grateful that they started after we had both of our kids.

Though I suppose gender reveal parties are only a symptom here, with the real root of the problem being the idea that one must share every single thought one has in a public forum, regardless of how inappropriate such a thought may be for a public forum.

And yeah, I know I share a SHITLOAD of personal things in public forums, but even then, there are all kinds of things I don’t share because, dear lord, there have to be limits, right?

Ohio fires health worker for WrongThink

Mifepristone — which you may know as RU-486 — is a drug that is used in both abortion care and in miscarriage management. It is, obviously, a legal drug with multiple medically-indicated uses. It has been approved and on the market for quite a long time.

Last month an Ohio Department of Health employee named Jessica Warner was tasked with writing a department newsletter that went out to clinical care providers and local health departments that focus on STIs. In it she included a 20-word item about an upcoming training session regarding Mifepristone. It was not editorial in nature nor was it advocating anything. It was simple notice about a training session. It was about as basic and as mundane a thing as someone with that sort of job does on a daily basis.

She was fired for it, her supervisor was suspended, and another supervisor resigned under pressure, with Ohio Department of Health officials writing “The Mifepristone item in the newsletter is in direct conflict with the agency’s mission and is an embarrassment to ODH” in their official report. HR investigators further asked Warner if she knew that her “advocacy” on Mifepristone was not supported by the agency, whether she was aware of ODH’s “posture” on abortion issues, and if she believed the topic of abortions was contrary to ODH’s mission.

As noted above, abortion is still legal in Ohio for the moment and the drug Mifepristone is still medically indicated for various treatments. The State of Ohio, however, apparently does not believe that “health” is part of the health department’s mission and is now firing public health workers for WrongThink.

And thus Ohio’s slide into the middle ages continues.

Great Moments in Literary Homages

Recently I was reminded of the fact that my parents let me see the movie version of John Irving’s The World According to Garp when I was hilariously too young to watch it let alone to understand it. I imagine it was because “hey, it has Robin Williams in it and he’s Mork from Ork, so it has to be age-appropriate for the nine year-old.” The early 80s were wild, man. Active parenting was just not in vogue.

I was reminded of The World According to Garp again when I read this story from Florida:

A traffic report obtained Wednesday by Local 10 News reveals more details about a head-on collision in Fort Lauderdale that officials said resulted from a woman performing oral sex on the driver . . . According to Fort Lauderdale Fire Rescue officials, a 20-year-old woman inside an SUV was performing oral sex on the 32-year-old driver when the driver crashed head-on with a FedEx truck . . .
. . . The officers broke the windows of the SUV to help the driver and passenger, who were both unconscious but breathing, the report stated. First responders said the couple was naked and the man suffered injuries to his private area due to what was going on at the time of the crash.

Just for the record, I did not seek out this news item. It was forwarded to me by one of you sickos so if you’re gonna judge me for sharing it, like, judge yourself first man.

Have a great day, everyone.

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Cup of Coffee by Craig Calcaterra

Cup of Coffee: June 23, 2022