Cup of Coffee: August 17, 2023

A lotta guys hit two homers, Manfred goes to KC, Daniel Murphy retires again, my irony-o-meter melts, Ohio weed, right wing delusions, in defense of hacks, and Hell is Real

Good morning! And welcome to Free Thursday!

Before we get to today’s newsletter, allow me to say something sappy.

I first set up this newsletter on August 3, 2020 — the day NBC laid me off — though hardly anyone knew about it yet. I announced its existence publicly to the world on August 12, 2020. If you don’t count the weird, soft-opening post about “Columbo” that also contained an “And That Happened: Classic! from July 13, 1903,” the first newsletter came out three years ago today, on August 17, 2020.

Fun fact: at the end of that first newsletter I apologized for it being so long and promised that I wouldn’t usually write that much. In the event, that newsletter is one of the shortest ones I’ve ever written not counting “sorry, no newsletter” days. As always, don’t listen to a thing I say.

Whatever the case, depending on what you or I measure by, this week marks the third anniversary of the launch of Cup of Coffee. As such, every mid-August since then, the first bump of initial subscribers renews. And I cannot tell you how nice that is to see. Not because it means money in the bank, though that is nice. It’s because I wasn't 100% sure that I'd be able to make an independent go of things as a writer without NBC driving traffic towards my unhinged rantings. Sure, I felt that I had at least a puncher’s chance or else I wouldn’t have tried, but sometimes punchers get clocked on the chin and knocked the hell out. Let’s just say that, however confident I was, I made a point to check to see if my bar registration was still current just in case I had to pull a Crazy Ivan and get a straight job again.

But it worked. It worked because you made it work. You put your faith in me and you put your bucks behind that faith and it’s only because of that that I’m able to write this newsletter every day. Which, by the way, is the only thing I ever want to do.

Thank you so much. Thank you for allowing me to have a career that makes me pinch myself multiple times a year to make sure it’s real. Now let’s head into Year Four of Cup of Coffee with a bunch of fun and typos and nonsense, shall we?

---

And That Happened

Here are the scores. Here are the highlights:

Cubs 4, White Sox 3: Chicago wins! The Cubbies trailed all game and were down 3-1 in the ninth when Cody Bellinger hit a leadoff double, Dansby Swanson walked, and then Chirstopher Morel hit a dramatic three-run walkoff homer that made the jernt go crazy, featured Morel taking his jersey off as he rounded third and ended with him getting his undershirt ripped off of him by his teammates after he crossed home plate. Baseball after dark, babies.

Tigers 8, Twins 7: Spencer Torkelson homered twice. He also homered twice against the Twins last Wednesday. He should be a platoon player who takes all the ABs against the Twins on Wednesdays. It’s all about specialization, baby. Riley Greene drove in four with a two-run homer, an RBI triple, and a sac fly. Beau Brieske, Tyler Holton, Alex Lange and Will Vest combined for five and a third scoreless innings of relief. That Beau Brieske: he’s about 6’8” and goes 380. Did I ever tell you about the time Brieske showed up at my daughter’s wedding? You know my daughter, she’s a beautiful girl. Well, Brieske shows up and you know he’s a big fella. Well, he’s standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He’s got no right to be there, but he’s drunk and he’s Brieske. Well, long story short, the priest accidentally marries me and Brieske. We spend the weekend in the Poconos — he loved me like I’ve never been loved before.

Mets 8, Pirates 3: DJ Stewart homered twice. He also homered twice on August 12, 2021. He should be a platoon player who takes all the ABs every 735 days. It’s all about specialization, baby. Pete Alonso also homered but he does that all the damn time. New York took two of three from the Buccos.

Diamondbacks 9, Rockies 7: Christian Walker homered twice—

[Editor: Cut it out]

Well, he did. Both were two-run homers in fact. Nick Ahmed had a three-run triple. Don’t tell anyone, but I think three-run triples are way, way cooler than all but the most dramatic home runs. OK, you can tell people.

Nationals 6, Red Sox 2: Stone Garrett homered twice — he’s never done that — and Keibert Ruiz hit a tie-breaking three-run homer in the Nats’ four-run eighth. MacKenzie Gore got a no-decision because he left early with a cracked fingernail, but he was pretty sharp, allowing just one hit and no runs while pitching into the seventh.

Phillies 9, Blue Jays 4: Bryce Harper homered twice — not even bothering to look that up — Jake Cave added a solo homer and Nick Castellanos had two hits and an RBI as Philly avoids the sweep in Toronto.

Rays 6, Giants 1: Luke Raley hit a pinch-hit inside-the-park home run that was 90% a function of a freaky as hell Oracle Park bounce. That was kind of fun to watch. Kevin Cash thought so too. After the game he said “That was really cool. It looked like a rat running across the top of the fence.” I am dying to give Cash a Rorschach test.

Reds 7, Guardians 2: The Reds beat up Noah Syndergaard for six runs in four and a third. Only five were earned but I doubt that makes anyone feel any better or worse. Stuart Fairchild and Matt McLain each hit two-run homers in Cincinnati’s four-run fourth and TJ Friedl had three hits, scored three runs and made a spectacular catch to take a two run homer away from Ramon Laureano.

Astros 12, Marlins 5: Alex Bregman, Kyle Tucker, and Chas McCormick each homered in the first inning as Houston built up an early 5-0 lead. Later Yordan Álvarez tripled and Mauricio Dubón had two hits and two RBI. Houston takes two of three games from Miami.

Athletics 8, Cardinals 0: Paul Blackburn pitched seven scoreless innings. His counterpart, Matthew Liberatore, was not so sharp as the A’s jumped on him early, batting around in the first inning and racking up six runs on ten hits in four and a third. In other news, the Cardinals’ Lars Nootbaar left the game early with what the team called a “lower abdomen contusion.” That’s sports medicine speak for “he took a ball directly to the Nootbaar.”

Atlanta 2, Yankees 0: Charlie Morton tossed six shutout innings with ten strikeouts and Eddie Rosario’s early two-run homer held up. Atlanta sweeps the Yankees and ends up taking six of seven from the two New York teams. The Bombers are now below .500 and are enduring a five-game skid. After the game Aaron Boone said the Yankees still have time to salvage the season: “The game is still littered with examples of teams going on unlikely runs,” he said. At this point the Yankees even scoring runs seems unlikely, but I’m guessing that’s not what he was getting at.

Angels 2, Rangers 0: Reid Detmers outdueled Jon Gray, taking a no-hitter into the eighth backed only by a first inning Shohei Ohtani solo shot. Detmers ended up leaving after allowing a hit but no one scored on him. A ninth inning solo shot from Matt Thaiss gave the Halos a bit of breathing room but they didn’t need it.

Mariners 6, Royals 5: Julio Rodriguez had four hits and two RBI including an RBI single. The M’s blew a three-run lead but Teoscar Hernández hit a tie-breaking sacrifice fly in the eighth to bail ‘em out. Cal Raleigh added a home run and a double.

Padres 5, Orioles 2: Trent Grisham homered in the seventh, turning a one-run Padres lead into a two-run Padres lead. Not long after that Fernando Tatís stole home. Straight steal, too, not some double steal malarky. Blake Snell allowed two over six to pick up his tenth win on the year.

Dodgers 7, Brewers 1: Clayton Kershaw allowed one over five as the Dodgers won yet again. Helping the cause: Mookie Betts, who went 3-for-4 and scored four runs. Also: clutch hitting, as five of the Dodgers’ seven runs came with two outs. Also helping: not one but two catcher interference calls against Brewers catcher William Contreras. One came in the first and the other came in the second. Both came with J.D. Martinez at the plate. Both led to runs. I was gonna do the Richard Dreyfuss mashed potatoes thing here but since Contreras leads the majors with five interference calls this season I don’t suppose this was important nor that it meant anything. He just can’t get out of his own damn way.

---

The Daily Briefing

Wander Franco may be in big, big trouble

Early yesterday evening the Associated Press reported that, separate and apart from what Major League Baseball is doing, there is an investigation into Tampa Bay Rays shortstop Wanter Franco that is being handled by a Dominican Republic governmental division “that specializes in minors and gender violence.”

Specifically, the investigation into Franco is proceeding under the auspices of something called the National Agency for Boys, Girls, Adolescents and Family and Gender Violence Unit. The probe is being chaired by a Chief Prosecutor named Olga Diná Llaverías, who is a specialist in child abuse cases. They are not expected to be done for some time, but the AP was told that some basic information which will not prejudice any possible case against Franco could be released next week.

Worse for Franco: late last night Dominican Republic sports editor/reporter Héctor Gómez tweeted that, a person “very close to the investigations into the case of Wander Franco” told him, "It will be very unlikely that Wander Franco will play in MLB again, judging by the results of the investigations that are currently being carried out, which directly commit him to the accusations against him.” So, um, yeah.

Franco is on a seven-day restricted list hold pending MLB’s part of the investigation. My feeling is that, as in the Trevor Bauer investigation, we will see multiple seven-day extensions strung together as this all proceeds.

Marcus Stroman has a fractured rib

Chicago Cubs ace Marcus Stroman has been on the IL due to some hip wonkiness, but yesterday the Cubs announced that he has a right rib cartilage fracture. That explains the rib cage soreness that caused the Cubs to sit him right when they thought his hip was healed and were about to activate him.

Stroman was having a fantastic season until July when everything went in the crapper. Indeed he allowed 34 runs in 30 innings in July before the Cubs shelved him. As of now there is no timetable for his return, but you should probably bet the over.

Manfred’s “let’s all get on the same page” tour adds a date in Kansas City

From KCTV5 in Kansas City:

The Kansas City Royals will welcome Major League Baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred to the metro this week. Manfred plans to travel to Kansas City Wednesday afternoon . . . The Royals say the trip is to discuss how new ballparks and ballpark districts have impacted other cities that have decided to invest in them.

It comes about nine months after [Royals owner John] Sherman announced the Royals planned to build a new ballpark. Sherman said Kansas City will know where the future home of the Royals will be by late September.

I choose to view this as John Sherman making sure Manfred is fully briefed on all of the talking points he needs in order to most effectively extort the people of Kansas City into building him a new ballpark despite the fact that Kauffman Stadium is one of the most beautiful ballparks in all of baseball.

Daniel Murphy retires again

Back in June former New York Met, Washington National, Chicago Cub, and Colorado Rockie infielder Daniel Murphy came out of retirement and signed a minor league deal with he Los Angeles Angels. He hadn’t played in the big leagues since 2020 but he played 37 games for the independent Long Island Ducks this spring and hit .331/.410/.451 in 37 games. That made him and the Angels figure he had at least a puncher’s chance to contribute.

Welp, he didn’t. Murphy re-retired the other day after hitting .295/.379/.362 with one home run 20 walks and 20 strikeouts in 38 games with the Triple-A Salt Lake Bees. Not bad for a 38 year old guy who hadn’t played at a high level for several years but, yeah, time to go back to fishing or hunting or not liking gay people or whatever it is Murphy does in his free time.

---

Other Stuff

No, I see it moving

Headline:

Body of story:

The latest NPR poll found that Republicans and Republican-leaning independents had declined by 9 points in saying that Trump had done nothing wrong, from 50% to 41% from June to July.

Trump also dropped 6 points with the same group when asked if they were likely to support Trump or another candidate in the 2024 primary.

So the indictments have moved the needle. The media is just too addicted to Trump coverage and is too conditioned by how Trump coverage has warped the political ecosystem over the past seven years that they are almost constitutionally incapable of acknowledging reality. Neat.

I suppose the basis of that headline is the fact that, even with Trump’s support declining, he’s still likely to be the GOP nominee. But Trump as GOP nominee with less support than he’s historically had is actually news. It makes him an even weaker candidate than he was in 2020, when he got his clock cleaned, and a far, far weaker candidate than he was in 2016 when, despite winning, he still got a minority of the popular vote.

One would think that would change the coverage of him and his supporters in a pretty fundamental way. Perhaps it should lead to more “the GOP is on a kamikaze mission” or “Trump is hamstringing the Republican Party” stories and fewer “can Trump pardon himself when he returns to the Oval Office” stories.

But I guess I don’t know what I’m talking about.

My irony-o-meter just melted

When Anna and I toured the British Museum last summer, seeing all of the fantastic artifacts that the British Empire looted from the world, she pointed at some African vase or something and joked “if I were to steal that from this place would they charge me with irony?”

Welp, now we know. From the BBC:

The British Museum in London has sacked a member of staff and police are investigating after treasures were reported "missing, stolen or damaged".

Items including gold, jewelry and gems of semi-precious stones were among those found to be missing, stolen or damaged.

Maybe if that member of the staff had first brought an army with them into the museum and then took things openly while claiming absolute right and dominion over them, they’d be free today based on national precedent.

Right wing delusions

1. Someone, likely because they’re upset about Trump being indicted, says something stupid and offensive in service of them claiming that they’re about to launch a “civil war,” with their implied targets being gay and trans people;

2. Someone else rightfully points out that “civil war” does not mean executing minorities, as that’s the definition of lynching. They point out that an actual “American Civil War” would pit these right wing dudes playing dress-up as soldiers against the actual U.S. military;

3. One of the right wing dudes playing dress-up shows just how deluded he is:

I abhor violence, but part of me really would like to see this dude’s reaction as he learned, first hand, that a single A-10 Warthog flown by a national guard pilot who spends most of his time selling insurance, could wipe out an entire army of armchair insurgents before everyone’s coffee got cold.

Ohio is about to get better

After initially falling short of the required number of signatures the folks behind a ballot issue to legalize recreational marijuana in Ohio officially cured the deficiency yesterday. That means that Buckeye State voters will get a chance to approve the sale of jazz cabbage without a prescription come November.¹

I’m fine with that as that tracks with my ideological preferences on the matter, but I’m really more excited about it because, as I’ve noted recently, there’s a more important measure on this fall’s ballot: enshrining abortion rights in the state constitution. I’m already cautiously optimistic that that will pass, but the way I figure it, anything that boosts turnout in November the better, and legalizing left-handed cigarettes is likely to boost turnout.

Will some of the pro-ganja voters be anti-abortion? Sure. But I’m gonna make an educated guess that a greater percentage of devil’s lettuce lovers are pro-abortion than anti-abortion and that loco weed advocates coming out to vote will only aid the project of keeping abortion legal in Ohio.

In defense of hacks

In recent years Disney and some big other studios have taken to hiring auteur directors with experience making small, award-winning films to helm their big effects-driven IP-driven franchises. People like Chloé Zhao, who won an Oscar for “Nomadland” and who was hired to direct “Eternals.” Or Barry Jenkins, who directed “Moonlight” and “If Beale Street Could Talk” and who will soon be directing a live action “Lion King” prequel.

Digression: “Eternals” was terrible by just about every measure, and I say that as The World’s Biggest Marvel Mark.™ I don’t know what that “Lion King” prequel will be like but I was forced to watched the first live action “Lion King” movie while in a hospital waiting room last winter and it was the absolute worst thing ever. It was wholly pointless and unnecessary given the existence of the classic animated version, of which the live action version is a shot-for-shot, line-for-line remake, and which has not aged a bit and which is a vastly, vastly better film. End of digression.

I get why someone who has worked in indie film for a while might want to direct a huge movie with blockbuster potential. People gotta eat, right? And hey, if you pull it off it gives you the sort of cachet to go and make more smaller, personal films, this time without having to beat the bushes for financing. Either way, I do not for a second believe that directors in Zhao’s or Jenkins’ position are naive about what they’re getting into, even if the odds that good cinema is going to come out the other end are low. I’m less clear on why the studios approach these sorts of directors, but I suppose that even top executives at giant conglomerates have buried inside them, somewhere, that little spark of creativity that inspired them to get involved in movies in the first place and going into business with actual artists makes them feel better about themselves. Guess you have to ask them.

I mention all of that because over at Slate last week Sam Adams wrote about this phenomenon in service of an argument that Hollywood should bring back hack directors to do movies like these. Not bad directors, mind you, but hack directors. There’s a difference! Hacks, Adams argues, are merely experienced technicians who can provide “frictionless craftsmanship.” As in, they know how to make an action scene work or how to best present middling material:

A hack—or, if you insist on a less prejudicial term, a craftsperson—isn’t out to make a movie their own. Their aim is to fulfill the task set before them. Like former cinematographer Jan de Bont and former costumer designer Joel Schumacher, they often entered the business from the lower ranks of the crew rather than as writer-directors, rising to the top with an understanding based in the practicalities of production. A hack is a perfect match for a formula film, whether it’s the latest IP extension or simply squarely in an established genre, because they don’t consider themselves better than the material.

There are limits to this, of course. I mean, Joel Schumacher did a fine, workmanlike job with more-fun-than-they-should’ve-been movies like “Flatliners” and “Falling Down,” each of which were essentially B-pictures. He stumbled pretty badly on his “Batman” movies, but how much of that was because they objectively sucked and how much of that was because they followed two “Batman” movies from the more auteur-like Tim Burton? OK, they did suck, but I bet if Schumacher released his films first — or, for that matter, now — people would’ve lauded the campiness of them and been fine with the serviceable action sequences. He’s not the best argument for hacks but he’s not as much of a rebuttal of that as many might first think.

Adams’ article is very Slate-y in that it’s born of contrarian impulses, but it makes some good points about what we want — and what we should want — from popcorn cinema. It’s, at the very least, enough to make me more comfortable with hacks.

Hell is Real

If you’ve ever driven southbound between Columbus, Ohio and Cincinnati, Ohio on I-71, you have seen the “Hell is Real” sign:

I drove past it last week and there’s some sort of cartoony demon face on the bottom right of it now — not sure what that’s about — but the sign is still recognizable enough. It’s greeted motorists for nearly 20 years. It appears just after two other billboards which have the Ten Commandments printed on them. It has also become something of a pop culture phenomenon in these parts. I’ve seen “Hell is Real” t-shirts, bumper stickers, and even tattoos. The rivalry game between MLS teams Columbus Crew and Cincinnati F.C. is, unofficially, known as the “Hell is Real Game.”

While it’s always been pretty obvious that the sign is the product of some Bible thumpers wanting to spread The Good Word to us godless heathens, the specifics of the Hell is Real sign can be found in this Cincinnati Enquirer article from the other day. I’d always assumed that whoever owned the land alongside the freeway put up the sign but it turns out that it’s some guy from Kentucky who merely found a kindred spirit in the landowner who was happy to allow the sign to be put up. The Kentucky guy has put up similar signs in other states. Usually those signs feature less apocalyptic messages — more along the lines of “if you died today, where would you end up?” or something — so I get why Ohio’s “Hell is Real” sign gets all the attention.

Some day someone who is not such a kindred spirit will take control of that land. Or, alternatively, the guy from Kentucky will no longer be able to maintain the sign and it’ll fall into disrepair. Either way, the sign will, eventually, be no more. When that happens I’ll be sad. Not because the message is gone, of course. I’m not a Christian and I don’t care about it for its own sake. But because it’s literally the only interesting thing in the 100 miles between Columbus and Cincinnati. That drive is a friggin’ slog otherwise. The weirdness almost makes it bearable.

Have a great day everyone.

1. Medical marijuana is already legal in Ohio. I will observe, however, without going into any more detail, that the process by which one can obtain a ganja card in Ohio is something less than rigorous. As such, Maui-wowie being legalized for recreational purposes here is not going to change a single thing for average people apart from making the reefer cheaper, even if it does change the business and administration aspects of it all.