I hope writing it hasn’t become a burden for you because I love it. And thanks for finally making the right choice about Kapler. None of this inner beauty or personality stuff. The top belongs to men who make other men feel inadequate.
I hope someone asks Gardenhire how he feels about the Maddon comparison.
I wonder if anyone would try this with football. I watched All-Madden last night, and seeing Madden in his prime, I saw someone who was full of joy and life but was also not what anyone would call conventionally handsome. And I think a lot of coaches still go for that non-aesthetic. That effort to make themselves look like they couldn't care less about what they look like.
And of course, if you think Tony LaRussa isn't handsome, then Urban Meyer is butt ugly.
This got me curious enough to scroll through the list of NFL coaches. I think there's a decent split between the can't be bothered to care Bill Belichick/Matt Nagy look and the Kliff Kingsbury/Matt LaFleur/Kyle Shanahan trying too hard to be cool aesthetic (tell me those aren't three slightly different variations of the same guy, it's uncanny). I'd give the most handsome NFL coach nod to Kevin Stefanski though, FWIW.
I have always thought those three guys were made in a lab somewhere when an experiment went wrong and spit out the most "futuristic prototypical NFL coach" specimen three times.
I wonder if NBA and NHL coaches get a handsomness boost just from them being seen in nice suits so often, so perception is more skewed toward thinking of them as handsome sjust because they are sharp dressers.
Reminds me of that Monty Python routine about the two soldiers, an officer and a noncom, huddled in a foxhole waiting for the German offensive to begin. The officer takes out a picture of his wife and shows it to his subordinate, who responds "oh, she's ugly, sir." The shocked officer sputters "well I think that's a matter of opinion, eh?" The noncom doubles down: "oh no sir. She's definitely ugly."
To channel Kirk Douglas from "The List of Adrian Messenger," ugly does exist. Ugly IS.
Incidentally, when he was manager of the Fresh Joe Girardi told Jeffrey Loria he was an asshole to his face. That didn't just make him handsome. It made him GORGEOUS.
Opinion is opinion is opinion but some things are facts and errors need correcting. They are baseball spikes, not cleats! Next you’ll call a pitch a speedball or ‘have a catch.’
But does Kapler being ripped and a specimen equate with handsomeness? While they might make you attractive, I always thought of handsome as a facial quality.
Still, I can see you counting it anyway. After all, there's only so much you have to go on in ranking these guys.
I use to look at it this way, when someone who was ‘ripped’ would question my physique, my response would be I can go to the gym and tighten things up, you will always be ugly.
Both ripped, in great physical shape. Both have jawlines that could cut glass. But everyone who thinks Kapler is a vain pretty boy, loves Girardi and thinks he's an old-school, tough guy manager. WHY?
It's because Girardi was on the Derek Jeter Yankees and the entire world has a huge blindspot about anything associated with those teams. Being on the cursebreaker Red Sox doesn't afford the same cachet. But think about it. No one's threatened by how much time Girardi spends in the gym.
You are very very correct to place Kapler at the top of this list. An incentive for COVID to end so I can get to a Giants game and appreciate the game in person. And the views.
Craig, this is my first time reading your rankings, and as a Royals fan, and I was pleased to see that you ranked Mike Matheny second (I'm more of a silver fox fan myself when it comes to masculine beauty). How did you rank Ned Yost? Can you (or anyone here) provide a link?
It started with an innocuous comment, but a friend and I were ranking Presidents by handsomeness factor during our Xmas call. It went on for too long and I never thought I'd utter the sentence, "Yes, Nixon was ugly, but he had a better body than Trump." We've decided this is going to be our annual holiday tradition.
I like it. Depends how you feel about fat guys with hipster moustaches. Or wooden teeth. Or powdered wigs. Or Andrew Jackson looking in every photo like he’s constipated.
Like in other POTUS rankings, Fillmore and Hoover are doomed to be on the bottom. Lincoln on the top.
Freaking Gabe Kapler? Are you kidding me? He's a goddamn Giant. That's akin to being a Yankee, only worse. And I hate the Yankees with the heat of a thousand hells. Which is where they and the Giants belong. Except for Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Babe Ruth (because he was as out of shape as I am), and Lou Gehrig. I can't wait for Kapler to be fired so he gets dropped from consideration.
Also, about your wife's head snap and Brad Ausmus... I have a cardiologist. He's extremely handsome. First visit...my wife looks up as he entered the room. She lets out an "OHHHH" and smiles that come hither look. I WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE. No attempt to hide it. To this day, ten years later, she asks "When is your next appointment with doctor good-looking"?
I can assure you as a Nats fan that Davey Martinez is actually a really happy, positive guy off the field. That scowl you always see is the product of not understanding what’s happening on the field.
Which he usually doesn’t. (I am firmly in the “2019 was dumb luck not destiny” camp.)
I really hope you have a copyright on this effort. Otherwise with the increased newsletter traffic, US News and World Report is going to realize ranking baseball managers' handsomeness should happen in the college ranking offseason and start milking your subscribers.
actual lol at seeing this in my inbox
My own reaction when I started writing it and said to myself "you're actually doing this again?"
A little disappointed this wasn't referenced: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFgEItulMmc&t=72s&ab_channel=pentagramhands
I hope writing it hasn’t become a burden for you because I love it. And thanks for finally making the right choice about Kapler. None of this inner beauty or personality stuff. The top belongs to men who make other men feel inadequate.
I hope someone asks Gardenhire how he feels about the Maddon comparison.
I wonder if anyone would try this with football. I watched All-Madden last night, and seeing Madden in his prime, I saw someone who was full of joy and life but was also not what anyone would call conventionally handsome. And I think a lot of coaches still go for that non-aesthetic. That effort to make themselves look like they couldn't care less about what they look like.
And of course, if you think Tony LaRussa isn't handsome, then Urban Meyer is butt ugly.
This got me curious enough to scroll through the list of NFL coaches. I think there's a decent split between the can't be bothered to care Bill Belichick/Matt Nagy look and the Kliff Kingsbury/Matt LaFleur/Kyle Shanahan trying too hard to be cool aesthetic (tell me those aren't three slightly different variations of the same guy, it's uncanny). I'd give the most handsome NFL coach nod to Kevin Stefanski though, FWIW.
That same Madden film had a glimpse of young Belichek. Man was handsome in his Cleveland days.
I have always thought those three guys were made in a lab somewhere when an experiment went wrong and spit out the most "futuristic prototypical NFL coach" specimen three times.
Wasn't Sean McVay part of that same experiment?
I wonder if NBA and NHL coaches get a handsomness boost just from them being seen in nice suits so often, so perception is more skewed toward thinking of them as handsome sjust because they are sharp dressers.
Reminds me of that Monty Python routine about the two soldiers, an officer and a noncom, huddled in a foxhole waiting for the German offensive to begin. The officer takes out a picture of his wife and shows it to his subordinate, who responds "oh, she's ugly, sir." The shocked officer sputters "well I think that's a matter of opinion, eh?" The noncom doubles down: "oh no sir. She's definitely ugly."
To channel Kirk Douglas from "The List of Adrian Messenger," ugly does exist. Ugly IS.
Incidentally, when he was manager of the Fresh Joe Girardi told Jeffrey Loria he was an asshole to his face. That didn't just make him handsome. It made him GORGEOUS.
That makes me like Girardi.
Opinion is opinion is opinion but some things are facts and errors need correcting. They are baseball spikes, not cleats! Next you’ll call a pitch a speedball or ‘have a catch.’
That’s what you get when The World’s Foremost Brentford Fan writes these things.
Boots?
When I first saw the trailer for that Kevin James as Sean Payton movie I truly believed it was a joke. It has to be a joke...right?
But does Kapler being ripped and a specimen equate with handsomeness? While they might make you attractive, I always thought of handsome as a facial quality.
Still, I can see you counting it anyway. After all, there's only so much you have to go on in ranking these guys.
I use to look at it this way, when someone who was ‘ripped’ would question my physique, my response would be I can go to the gym and tighten things up, you will always be ugly.
Sure as heck does count. A great physique boosts confidence and gives a man a "swagger" factor. That's worth like 3 points of handsomeness.
He’s both, though.
Here's my question. Kapler vs Girardi.
Both ripped, in great physical shape. Both have jawlines that could cut glass. But everyone who thinks Kapler is a vain pretty boy, loves Girardi and thinks he's an old-school, tough guy manager. WHY?
It's because Girardi was on the Derek Jeter Yankees and the entire world has a huge blindspot about anything associated with those teams. Being on the cursebreaker Red Sox doesn't afford the same cachet. But think about it. No one's threatened by how much time Girardi spends in the gym.
You are very very correct to place Kapler at the top of this list. An incentive for COVID to end so I can get to a Giants game and appreciate the game in person. And the views.
Assuming "Dog Fister" will join "Baseball’s Most Handsome Managers" in Craig's obit. If only he had also penned about Kerry Wood's torn labia.
Craig, this is my first time reading your rankings, and as a Royals fan, and I was pleased to see that you ranked Mike Matheny second (I'm more of a silver fox fan myself when it comes to masculine beauty). How did you rank Ned Yost? Can you (or anyone here) provide a link?
The year after they won the World Series I ranked him like fourth because he had a swagger about him. My god people gave me hell for that.
I agree with @Paper Lions below. Confidence is freaking attractive!
I always though Yost was a dead ringer for prime Tully Blanchard. If anyone knew swagger...
Why? He's not bad-looking or anything. It's not like you led off the list with Showalter (which you should do for shitposting purposes).
I'm looking forward to an All-Time Top 50 list.
If the lockout goes on long enough, Craig might break this down decade-by-decade
Breakdown by decade, cross-referenced by league, Handsome Above Replacement metrics. I'm here for all of it!
It started with an innocuous comment, but a friend and I were ranking Presidents by handsomeness factor during our Xmas call. It went on for too long and I never thought I'd utter the sentence, "Yes, Nixon was ugly, but he had a better body than Trump." We've decided this is going to be our annual holiday tradition.
I like it. Depends how you feel about fat guys with hipster moustaches. Or wooden teeth. Or powdered wigs. Or Andrew Jackson looking in every photo like he’s constipated.
Like in other POTUS rankings, Fillmore and Hoover are doomed to be on the bottom. Lincoln on the top.
“Connie Mack might’ve been the most handsome manager in the 1910’s, but he wouldn’t even out-handsome the Mets pitching coach today”
Leo Durocher had sex with half of Hollywood. Is that reflected in the handsomeness rankings?
I will now sit back and wait for my dad's message of faux outrage that David Ross is not higher on this list.
Freaking Gabe Kapler? Are you kidding me? He's a goddamn Giant. That's akin to being a Yankee, only worse. And I hate the Yankees with the heat of a thousand hells. Which is where they and the Giants belong. Except for Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Babe Ruth (because he was as out of shape as I am), and Lou Gehrig. I can't wait for Kapler to be fired so he gets dropped from consideration.
Also, about your wife's head snap and Brad Ausmus... I have a cardiologist. He's extremely handsome. First visit...my wife looks up as he entered the room. She lets out an "OHHHH" and smiles that come hither look. I WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE. No attempt to hide it. To this day, ten years later, she asks "When is your next appointment with doctor good-looking"?
You are correct. Dammit.
Off topic, Mark Prior’s side gig is as a Jack Dorsey impersonator.
Anxiously awaiting Most Handsome EPL Managers
I would put Mikel Arteta from Arsenal in the top spot probably. Though Gerrard is in the running.
My vote's with Pep. Don't sleep on Bruno Lage either.
I can assure you as a Nats fan that Davey Martinez is actually a really happy, positive guy off the field. That scowl you always see is the product of not understanding what’s happening on the field.
Which he usually doesn’t. (I am firmly in the “2019 was dumb luck not destiny” camp.)
I really hope you have a copyright on this effort. Otherwise with the increased newsletter traffic, US News and World Report is going to realize ranking baseball managers' handsomeness should happen in the college ranking offseason and start milking your subscribers.
weekly handsomeness power rankings.